#can we get a kilt next

[ineffablehubbys]

kilt mention and “CAN I GET A WAHOO” please David I cant take this anymore ahhhhhhh/pos

[britanniabay]

A few more glimpses from the Royal Edinburgh Tattoo.

(Courtesy of veryamateurish).

[rookiesbookies]

The boys catch their ladies reading smut, originally this had the books I was basing this on in them but I hadn't got the time to read the books so I remove the book titles and authors. I hope you enjoy <3

Price: Yeah, she’s younger than him. This book is like 100% just breeding kinks. So she was reading this book about a man breeding his young woman and being super obsessive and clinging… while sitting in their living room… with her fuzzy, super obsessive, newlywed husband. “What are ya readin love?” He said, swiftly snatching the book from her grasp as he sat down on the couch next to her. He kicked his feet up on the couch and laid so his back was against her shins under the blanket she was bundled in. “Nothing important! But you really should give it back!” She panicked, reaching for it. “Holy bloody Jesus, love. This is a casual read for you?” “... yeah.” He wiggled his eyebrows while looking up to see her. She put a hand in his face and took her book back. “You almost made me lose my page.”

Soap: Being bent over and defiled by a hot Scotsman in a kilt? Oh hell yeah. How could you refuse?

“Jesus, Bonnie, why are ye readin about this shit when ya could get the real thing with me?” He chuckled, flipping through the book she had poorly hidden in her nightstand. “My kilt is in the closet, give me less than 10 minutes to get me socks and straps on and I’ll rock yer world harder than some words on a page ever could. You’ll see, donnae worry.”

He did indeed rock your world harder than pages ever good.

You claim and cry that you want to finish it for the plot, he says you can only read “that filth” when he’s away on deployment.

Says its a waste if you have a real heavy, hairy, and thick Scotsman at your disposal on the daily.

Ghost: Reading a story about a man whose face was painted like death and has charm that causes hormonal riots? Sounds exactly like her Simon. She lay on their shared bed as he packed up for their walk to the park. Her legs kicked up in the air as she read. 

He raised an eyebrow at what could have her so giddy so he effortlessly snatched the book and was met with a nasty surprise when he looked over the words. “Take it you’d rather stay home than go to the park,” he mumbled with a smirk before bending down to kneel in front of her now with a red face. 

“No- no I think a walk in the park will be fine.” She nervously chuckled.

Konig: Hot giant caveman dragging a woman away to have his way with her? Basic Konig when he comes back from missions.

Grabbing his sweet girl and pulling her into the dark cave that is their bedroom, only letting either out once he’s had his way with her and showing her just how much he’s missed her.

His face was red flushed as he read over her shoulder though.

“Oh meine gut, Schatz."

The scream she let out even made him fall back.

“Don’t scare me like that!”

He pressed a kiss to her temple in apology. 

“This book made me horny, can we fuck?” She asked straight up, knowing Konig preferred her blunt. She didn’t need to ask him twice.

Gaz Hot british guy? Her standards were so low for her choices in literature as long as it was someone she could imagine her Kyle as. Hmmm easy.

So when she was leading her walk with her audio book in her headphones she was more than busy. When he got a hold of one of her airpods while at the gym and she forgot he had the other one, he looked over at her with wide eyes. He texted her, “I didn’t realize you were interested in being folded like that.”

[briefalpacashark]

~Drunk Boys~

The boys from 141 get drunk and you have to pick them up.

Warning: Drunk, violence.

Parts inspired from New Girl. If you know you know.

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One lovely evening you sat in your little office space. The boys had headed off quite some time ago for a few drinks. Your usual Friday night outing didn't include you that time because of a few reports you had put off. It was pulling onto 1am when your phone started to ring. It was a new number you had never seen before.

“Hello, this is Y/N speaking,” you said.

“Hey uh doc?” It was Gaz voice that came through the call. 

“Gaz?” you asked.

“Who you talking to?” you could hear Jonny ask in the background.

“I'm talking to doc,” Gaz stated.

“Oh, why?” Jonny whispered.

“I don't know,” Gaz murmured back. It didn't take a detective to establish by their slurred tones that they were drunk.

“Gaz, why are you calling me from a random number?” you asked.

“I don't know. Our phones got wet,” he explained.

“Our?” you asked.

“Yeah Me, Soap, Ghost and Price,” he stated with a sassy tone, as if it was your fault for not knowing. 

“So you fucked you phones?” you asked.

“Yeah,” Gaz nodded.

“And you called me, why?” you asked. There was silence for a bit.

“Captain, why am I calling Doc again?” Gaz asked.

“Because we lost the fucking car and we need a lift back to base,” Price snapped in the distance.

“Because we lost the fucking car and we need a lift back to base,” Gaz tone was much calmer and sweeter than Prices. A small smile worked its way onto your face.

“Alright, ill be there soon. Where are you?” you asked, making your way to the door.

“Not at the base,” Gaz said.

“I know that Gaz. Where are you now?” It was like talking to a toddler.

“Oh, We're at McDonalds,” he said before the line went dead. There were three McDonalds in the town. You thought they would be at the one closest to the bar. You were right. You were about to pull into the car park when you paused. Alittle down the street, right under the McDonalds sign sat four blobs. Driving up to it, you slammed on the brakes at what you saw. 

Price was sitting with his arms crossed. His hat looked to have been ripped in half and then shakily put back together with some staples, a tuft of his hair sticking out the top. Next to him Ghost with a traffic cone on his head and one tucked in his lap as he sat cross-legged. He was hugging it, and the one in his lap had been drawn on, and made up to look like a person, with a hat and a bikini loosely tied around it. One of his jacket sleeves was missing as if it had been torn clean off. Jonny sat next to him shirtless, with a patch of hair missing from his chest. Over it a pink glittery 21st birthday sash. His mohawk sprinkled with glitter and a kilt. Gaz had left in a pair of jeans, he was now in a pair of pink booty shorts that you would place money on that had some word like bitch or booty on the back of bedazzled gems. A crown of beer cans ducked taped around his head compelled the fit. All about them, strewn across the floor was a variety of McDonald's food, ranging from ice-creams to nuggets. They were all happily munching away. And they were all missing their left shoe?

You got out of the car phone at the ready.

“Say cheese boys,” you called. Drunkenly, they all looked up in your general direction, taking a photo. You chuckled, pocketing your phone and hands as you looked over them all. Wondering what the hell happened to them. 

“Ah, it's doc. What are you doing here, lovey?” Jonny asked in excitement, throwing his hands to the air.

“I'm here to pick you boys up,” you said.

“Pah, no we're alright. We've still got to go to another bar. Ain't that right LT?” Jonny asked, waving you away.

“Aye. I want another lager,” Ghost stated defiantly.

“I think you boys have had enough. Just look at the state of ya,” you gestured to them. 

“Wow, body shaming. Shame on you Y/N,” Gaz slurred, shaking his head disappointingly.

“Your all wet. Each of you has a piece of clothing damaged and all of you haven't even made eye contact with me yet,” you explained. Instantly, they all turned to stare into your eyes.

“Bull shit,” Jonny hiccuped before taking a bite of his burger. 

“Sargent, Report,” Price spoke up. You paused, considering his words as he stared down at the road in front of him.

“Report sir?” you asked. He nodded, tipping forward ever so slightly. Your eyes widened. He was absolutely plastered. They all were. 

“Your all drunk as fuck,” you said simply, your sentence finishing in a bewilder chuckle. The boys could hold their liquer, hell you have ever seen Gaz and Jonny drunk. 

“Am not,” Jonnys offended tone had you laughing again.

“Of sorry. My mistake, your only eating ice cream burger because you want to,” you jabbed you fingers at the burger in his hands. The ice cream was dripping down his arms and it looked like he had stacked nuggets, chips and a shit ton of cheese into the mix.

“As a matter of fact I did want to,” he said moving his hand about, the contents of the burger slopping onto the ground.

“Awww,” Jonny whined.

“Five second rule bruv,” Gaz said reaching bow to pick up a handful of the mess reconstructing the burger and handing it back to Jonny.

“Thanks Gaz,” Jonny seemed genuinely thankful. You held back a gag as he moved it to his mouth.

“Don't eat that,” you warned. You sure as hell didn't want him getting sick of all the gems that were now thrown into the burger mix. 

“I'll do what I want to do, because I can do whatever I want to do because I can do it,” he slurred.

“Jonny you eat that burger and I'll never speak to you again,” you proposed the ultimatum. He paused, pondering for a moment.

“What if I drink it?” he asked.

“Your gonna drink a burger?” you asked raising an eyebrow.

“Aye,” he nodded confidently.

“I bet you a tenner you can't,” Price spoke up. The poor man looked to be dozing in and out of sleep.

“I'll take that bet,” Jonny said.

“Jonny that was on the road,” you pleaded.

“And?” he asked.

“Put it down,” you ordered sternly. With a grumble, he chucked the burger down like a toddler throwing a tantrum. The boys held back their giggles. You heard that right giggle. And it was stared by none other than the man himself. Price. He was giggling. The high-pitched noise sounded off coming from him.

“Ohhhhhhhh mums mad at you,” Gaz joked, nudging his side.

“Sod off,” Jonny grumbled.

“Alright where’s the phone you called me from?” you asked.

“Why?” Gaz questioned.

“Because you called me from a random number, which means you had someone else’s phone. By the state of you lot I wouldn't be surprised if you stole it,” you explained.

“Right, it's over there,” Gaz grabbed his thumb to the phone booth. You first thought they had called you from it, but when you noticed the little pink box, you walked up to it to get a closer look. It was an iPhone. In a pink case, it was cracked to kingdom come and they had somehow lodged it in the credit card reader. You tried tugging it out to no avail. What you did find was Gaz’s phone propped up on the little stand with his contacts open with your name and number on it. Deciding not to question the backwards thinking that led them there you pocketed Gaz’s phone, walking back to the boys.

“Alright, I want the truth ok. What happened?” you asked a little concerned.

“Meet up with some airforce boys. They tried to act all high and mighty,” Price shrugged.

“Said they could drink more than us,” Ghost added.

“We had to prove them wrong,” Jonny explained.

“And we did. But then they brought out, Um what was it called?” Gaz clicked his fingers. 

“Abstanance,” Jonny proclaimed proudly. 

“Absinthe?” you asked in shock.

“Hell yeah, drunk those fuckers under the table.” Ghost nodded.

“Dunk yourselves under the table by the looks of it. Why are you wet? And what the fuck happened to ya shoes?” you asked.

“The ducks were drowning,” Gaz stated simply.

“And there was a bar that takes your shoe when you start a tab. It's to prevent running out without payed your tab,” Jonny added.

“So you all rescued ducks and ran out on a tab?” you asked. The boys pondered for a moment realized how bad it sounded. 

“Yes,” Ghost nodded.

“No,” the rest of them said. 

“And only Ghost rescued the ducks, I fell in, Gaz tried to rescue me but couldn't and Price saved us both,” Jonny explained as if it fixed it all.

“You shouldn't have been hanging around ponds this drunk. It's dangerous,” you murmured.

“For your information, it wasn't a pond,” Gaz stated defensively.

“Oh yeah, what was it?” you cooed back.

“It was the fountain,” he pointed across the way into the park where a fountain was lit up. A knee deep fountain. 

“Right, get in the car. Come on,” the boys groaned.

“We can't,” Gaz said.

“And why not?” you asked.

“Cause,” he trailed off. “Legs an’t working,” he finished. The boys all gave him approving nodds thinking his excuse was to tire brilliance.

“Well, I guess I'll just help you. Come on,” you helped Gaz up first, sliding him into the back of the car. 

“I don't wanna go,” Jonny whined.

“I know big guy,” you cooed. Sliding him in next to Gaz, you shook your head when they started giggling. 

“Your turn,” you gestured Ghost up. 

“Am I under arrest?” he asked.

“What? No,” you shook your head.

“Oh really. Seemed like it.” his hint of sass had you pointing to the car. With a grumble he got up and walked to the car, slipping into the middle seat. You frowned, ducking your head to see the other door open, Jonny now sitting at the far side and Gaz nowhere to be seen. Looking back to the makeshift picnic, you saw him back at the phone booth.

“For fuck’s sake, Stay,” you order the two in the car. Walking up to him, you frowned as he held the phone up to his ear.

“What you doing Gaz?” you asked.

“Ringling Doc. She needs to come pick us up,” he said whole heartedly forgetting that you were there already. With a huffed you took him by the arms, pulling him back. You sighed when you saw Ghost and Jonny sitting back on the curb happily munching away. You sat Gaz in the back of the car, deciding to lock the back door this time. You then filed in Jonny than Ghost. Closing the door behind them, you made your way back to Price.

“Come on sir,” you called softly. He looked up to you and with the biggest beaming brightest smile, and he giggled. God you had never seen anything more pure.

“Your sweet Doc,” he said. 

“Thank You sir. Now can you get in the car please,” you begged. 

“Yes Ma’am,” he nodded, suddenly shooting to his feet. And with that, he toppled back like a domino landing in the bush.

“Christ,” You scrambled to get him out, practically carrying him to the car. Putting him in the driver's seat you buckled him in. When your head rose to make sure the boys were all in you were met by empty back seats. 

“Doc, we can't leave the boys,” Price stated pointing out the window. Where the three men were gathered around a tree relieving themselves. Only Gaz seemed to just be standing there and Jonny appeared to be pissing on Ghost's boot.

“Get in the car!” You called out the window. Begrudgingly, they all piled back in. 

“Hang on, I need a piss,” Price spoke up just as they all buckled in. With a tired sigh you patiently waited. Then when he returned you drove off. 

“Wait, a minute, this ain't the way home,” Gaz suddenly pointed out.

“Yes I know. I think I know the bar you're talking about. We're going to go back there and pay your tab and get your shoes back. The higher ups would have a field day if you guys got in trouble,” you explained. Pulling up to the bar, you parked the car.

“Wait this is a police station,” Jonny pointed out. Yes, on the other side of the street, there was a police station. 

“We should go fight that police officer,” Ghost suggested.

“What? What police officer?” you asked.

“The one we stole this from,” Gaz said, pulling a taser gun that had been tucked in the back of his pants.

“You stole from a police officer!” you exclaimed.

“First of all he was an absolute piss head. A real fucker,” Price spoke up in a logical tone.

“Yeah, he tried to arrest Gaz,” Ghost added.

“Prick,” Gaz grumbled.

“Let's do this Lads,” Price grinned at the rest of them. Like a toddler hyped up on sugar.

“Actually, I think that might be a bad idea,” Gaz spoke up.

“Gaz,” Price called and Gaz hummed in response.

“I got two of these and you got two of those. And we got whatever da fuck Ghost is, lets go,” he held up two fists before stepping out of the car.

“No NO nonononono,” you reached over trying to grab at Price, but he was already gone.

“I swear to god if any of you move I'll give you tetanus shots in the morning,” you threw the threat back at the remaining men in the car. The tetanus shot was one of the worst shots you could get, and they all had bad memories of it. So at the threat, they quickly did their seat belts back up. 

“Christ,” you hissed, quickly hopping out of the car when you saw Price walk up to an officer hanging around outside.

While you were trying to deescalate the situation and explain to the cop why there was a drunk man trying to pick a fight, the boys were watching from the car. 

“She's scary,” Gaz whispered.

“What a fucking woman,” Ghost grumbled.

“I think I'm gonna ask her out,” Jonny declared. Ghost head snapped around faster than light.

“Fuck off,” he grumbled.

“Don't tell me what to do,” Jonny rumbled back.

“I bagsed her. You can't do shit,” Ghost said.

“Fucking when?” Jonny asked.

“Just then,” Ghost stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

“You can't bags a woman,” Gaz interjected.

“I know, women are strong beautiful beings to be respected and we are to respect their choices,” Ghost said, all the boys agreeing.

“But I still bags her,” he added at the end. 

“Fuck you Brit. If you like her, do something bout it!” Jonny snapped his blink slightly delayed. 

“Suck a cock scotsman,” Ghost snapped back.

“Do-Do you think you can beat me in a physical altercation of feisty cuffs?” Jonny fumbled with his words, raising his fists slightly. His aim was to star threateningly at his face but he missed the mark slightly staring at his knee. “I will beat you in a way you have NEver Beeenn beaten before,” Ghost stared at Jonny’s unfocused gaze. Before casually reaching over and giving him a gentle backhanded tap on his face. 

“OHHHHHH,” Gaz called from his middle seat.

“DAMMIT!” Jonny explained as if he had just received a full on punch but didn't move in the slightest.

“You just got hit in the face lad,” Gaz giggle.

“Hit me again!” Jonny dared. So Ghost did, repeating the same action. Only it didn't seem to compute in Jonny mind the second time. “I dare you, you put your hands on me one more time, Cause I swear, it will be an, I will-” Ghost reached over his wrist wrapping around the back of Jonny neck.

“Come closer so I can put you in a choke hold,” Ghost asked politely.

“No!” Jonny declared going to hit back only for his hand to completely miss and fall to the side harmlessly. The two fumbled in the back of the car not really accomplishing anything.

“Guys, look he's gettin the cop!” Gaz announced. They all looked out the car window to see the cop walk off.

You had tried and failed to calm them down. Price had demanded to see the cop that tried to arrest Gaz. The boys all piled out of the car, some more graceful than others, before rushing up to you.

“Oh god no, get back in the car please!” you begged.

“Gotta get loose,” Jonny stated, starting to do jumping jacks.

“Guys Doc is right. We should go,” Gaz stated.

“Pussy,” that one word from Ghost was all it took for Gaz to shrug his jacket off and start stretching.

“You guys are really gonna fight a cop!?” you asked, bewildered by it all. 

“Yes we are!” Jonny yelled confidently.

“No you're not!” You yelled. You couldn't believe it. It was like all common sense had been turned off in their heads.

“Ohhh Jonny’s in trouble,” Gaz grinned.

“Fuck you,” Jonny called reaching out to try and give Gaz a slight tap on the nuts.

“Dont touch my balls!” Gaz cried. 

“Yeah Jonny,” Ghost chuckled, amused by it all only for Jonny to try and hit his. Bewildered, you were utterly bewildered as you saw the group of highly trained soldiers all become involved in what you assumed was a game of hit the dick. They were all relatively bent over trying to protect their jewels while simultaneously trying to hit each other. Even price had been pulled into it.

“Guys come on,” you begged. 

“He touched my penis!” Jonny cried in a high-pitched voice.

“Don't touch my penis!” Gaz screamed right back. 

“Can I help you boys?” A cop walked out of the station.

“Officer. Hi. I am so sorry about them there just a little drunk, I'll get them home safely,” you quickly interjected yourself between them.

“It's the cop!” Jonny declared pointing at him. The cop was beyond confused. Because for one, he had never seen the boys before in his life. 

The truth of the story was that it was a comply different cop that had tried to arrest Gaz. They looked similar, and that was about it. And the only reason why he was trying to arrest Gaz was because he had stolen his taser gun.

But the boys could hardly see straight, so when they heard the cop was there, they trusted his words comply. 

“Come on, let's go!” Jonny declared as they all crowded around the poor man. Well, you tried to keep them back trying to speak over their taunts for a fight. The cop spoke into his radio, requesting backup.

“Please, this is all a big misunderstanding. They're actually really nice blokes,” your words fell on deaf ears.

“Pig!” Ghost said.

“Oh look, the little boy needs back up. We can take em,” Gaz said.

“If Laswell finds out about this, she’ll have your heads!” Your yell instantly had the boys silent.

“FUCKEN RUN!” Price ordered the fear filling them. Instantly they took off down the street.

“Serpentine!” Gaz yelled had them all running in a squiggly line. Which had Jonny and Gaz running into each other. Ghost even knocked his head on a low post not even flinching as he kept on running. That left you standing there out the front of the police station with a group of police officers. And you all watched as the boys disappeared down the street. 

“So um that,” you trailed off, pointing to them. “I uh,”

“I have no explanation for that,” you whispered in defeat. 

When you found Gaz he was still running down the street.

“GAZ GET IN THE CAR!” you yelled out the window.

“FUCK THE POLICE! FUCK POLICE WOMEN!” he yelled.

“WHAT!?” you yelled. He instantly stopped running up to the car window.

“I have nothing against women, officers. I understand how my words were terrible. I just heard you were a woman and everyone calls you all policemen so I wanted to be inclusive but I realize I was just singling you out,” he explained drunkenly.

“Gaz I'm not a police woman. Get in the fucken car,” you ordered.

“You can't fool me. FUCK POLICE WOMEN!” he yelled, taking off sprinting again. 

“Fuck this,” you grunted slamming on the breaks and jumping out he car. Gaz wasn't really sure what happened but one moment he was running down the street and the next he was in the back of the car the seat belt cut and tied around his hands and feet.

The others were a bit harder to find. Price was up a fucking willow tree. Getting him out of the tree was a fucking mission. You ended up just throwing random stuff at him until he eventually fell out. You used branches to tie him up and put him in the car as well. Finding Soap was a lucky find. You saw him stumbling down the street and when you called out to him he rushed into a club. As you walked in you realized quickly that you wouldn't have much luck finding him. It was packed to the brim and you couldn't see over anyone's heads. So you make your way up to the DJ booth.

“Hi, I'm trying to find a drunk scotsman. He's a vet. Do you mind?” you asked, gesturing to the microphone.

“Anything for our boys,” he said, handing it over.

“If you're a Scot and wearing a kilt, come up on stage for your prize!” Everyone cheered as you tucked yourself behind the DJ stand. Jonny walked up on stage basking in the cheers, raising his hands high in the air. 

And then you crash tackled him to the floor, tying him up with some power cords.

“Fucks sake Jonny,” you grunted after you had lugged his body out of the club and into the car. 

“Wow, they caught you before me, Captain. I'm surprised,” Jonny grinned smugly. You spent the next hour searching for Simon. You were about to give up when you decided to ring his phone. If Gaz’s still worked there was a chance his did too. Hearing the ringing you frowned. It wasn't just coming from your phone. Looking back to the boys, you could hear the muffled sound.

“Hello?” Ghost asked through the phone. His actual voice sounded once again from the back. Getting out of the car, you rounded it before pulling the boot open. There Ghost lay, his large body comedically tucked into the back, the Traffic cone still in his arms.

“How long have you been in there?” you asked.

“Since you caught Gaz,” he stated simply. With a deep sigh you gestured him out of the back. You knew you didn't need to tie him up and helped him to the front seat. Locking the doors, you started to drive everyone back to base.

“Boys, we've been kidnapped,” Price stated slowly. 

“Like hell we have,” Jonny whispered back.

“What are you boys whispering about back there?” You asked. With your eyes on the busy road, you failed to see them untie themselves and jimmy the lock.

“RONDEVU AT THE PUB BOYS!” Price ordered. Instantly, they all threw themselves out of the car and legged it in opposite directions. You had slammed on the brakes once they had done it. You watched them run, letting your tired head fall to the steering wheel.

“Give me strength,” you pleaded. This time you weren't so lucky in finding them. 

What happened was your phone rang again. From a new number.

“Hello?” you already knew who it was.

“Hey doc. Can you come pick us up? We lost the car,” Gaz's voice wafted through.

“Sure where are you? You asked.

“The police station,” he whispered bashfully.

So there you were back at the police station. You smiled bashfully at the officers the boys had tried to fight. Luckily for them you were a sweet talker. And the fact that they were military helped as well. They would have been charged with theft of a police officer and walking out on a tab. But you returned the taser gun, which hadn't been discharged. And you paid the tab with a generous tip getting their boots back in the process. The boys embarrassingly walked out of the station looking like puppies that had just been kicked. 

“Are you mad at us?” Jonny asked.

“Not mad, Just disappointed,” you shook your head. For the four drunk men the sentence was devastating, making them drop their head in guilt. A tiny smile pulled at your lips.

“Come on, let's get you home,” you ruffled Jonny's hair gently pulling them all out of the police station.

“Can we get McDonalds on the way home?” Gaz asked.

“I want an ice cream,” Price spoke up.

“Sure, why not?”

This time, the drive was much more peaceful. When you got back, you made sure they were all changed, well hydrated and tucked into bed. Which was incredibly hard because they had hit the pass out drunk stage. Ghost was the hardest. You managed to get him on the bed and his shirt and jacket off relatively easily. You paused momentarily as you saw his bare upper body. God damn the greek sculptures could take pointers from him. Your gaze softened as you saw all the scars and bullet holes that lined the ripples of his muscle. He's been through a lot. You felt slightly perverted as you undid his pants. Only they were wet and long, so you stood there yanking at them pulling them off inch by inch. Now you were using your whole body to get those bad boys off, so it didn't surprise you when you flew halfway across the room when you finally got them off. Breathing heavily, you gently lifted his legs back onto the bed. Grabbing the blanket, you tucked it up to his chin, your hand brushing against the wet mask. While the room was heated, it was still cold. Plus, you couldn't tell if it was water or blood from the hit that was on the top. 

“Alright Simon, I'm gonna take off your mask. But I'm gonna close my eyes so don't worry. I just don't want you waterboarding yourself in your sleep,” you whispered. He gave no response. With a deep breath, you reached up and closed your eyes. Your hands gathered the material at the bottom of the fabric and started rolling it up. In your focus you hadn't noticed Simon's eyes snap open at the movement. His hand had almost snapped around your wrist, only stopping when he saw your eyes closed. Slowly, he let his hand fall as you pulled the mask fully off. 

“Alright, now let's see if you did any damage to that head of yours?” you asked. Your hands brushed away his hair from his face, humming at the loose curls. His heart stirred as he stared at you, loving the blissful feeling your hands gave him as they moved across his face. When you were happy that it was only a lump he had sustained a small giggle left on your lips.

“That's gonna be a shiner mate,” you whispered.

He watched as your smile dropped slightly when her thumb brushed over a scar. You got a weird sense of DeJa'Vu as you thumb gently traced the scar. So many scars. Life certainly hadn't been kind to him.

"What am I gonna do with you huh?" you asked softly. Brushing his hair back once again, you stood.

“Night Simon,” you whispered before blindly making your way out the room. Simon watched the door close before looking up at the ceiling. His hand clasped over his rapidly beating heart as he came to the sudden realization. 

He was absolutely smitten for the Doc.

“Fuck,” he grunted.

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=COD Master List Here=

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[misguidedasgardian]

I want to steal the bride (FINALE)

VII. The big finally

MASTERLIST

Summary: The last shot

Pairings: Aemond Targaryen x BestFriend!Reader

Warnings: cursing, use of “stereotypes”, I don’t want to say “eating disorder” but I do will say inaccurate methods of dieting, extreme dieting even, Aemond is a slut, Aemond wants to steal the bride, implied smut, might miss some warnings, but you know what this is about

Wordcount: 3.7k

Notes: The end! can’t believe it took me this long! anyways! it will deviate a bit from the story here… 

“I'm sorry you and Aemond had a fight”, Cregan whispered against your temple, as you and him watched Aemond get into the Land Rover from a hallway of the second floor of his castle.  They were going to take him back into Winterfell and then the airport.

“I'm his best friend, he's just afraid of losing me”, you whispered, your eyes never leaving his lithe form, “he'll get over it”, you said, faking a smile to Cregan. “It’s just, a bit much, in so little time, us meeting and getting engaged, then marrying two weeks later, me moving here…”

“Aye”, he said with an understanding that it was bigger than you deserved.

But you felt as if your heart left when Aemond did. 

How could you let him kiss you? Where did that come from?

You were equally guilty, you reciprocated the kiss with the same energy. You already knew, it had always been there hiding just beneath the surface, hiding from him. 

But it was too late now

Yes you might not know Cregan much, but the connection you had with him was like something magical, you really wanted to be with him, you were getting married tomorrow! the decision had been made

“Aegon, what the hell are you doing here?”, asked Cersei as he let the blonde enter the room, “I thought Aemond left”

“Well, he did”, he said, “he left dramatically and hastily, and in that haste, he forgot about me, so…I will be the new maid of honor”, he said simply, rolling up his sleeves, “Walda, darling, let’s get you inside that dress”

The three girls just exchange concerned looks. 

Aegon took place behind Walda, and he grabbed both ends of the back of the dress.

“Alright! let’s do this!”, he said cheerfully

“Can you just suck it? Suck it”

“Okay, okay. I am!”

“Suck it in! Breathe in…! More…!”

“Pull it! You can get into it!”

“Pull it! I'll pull it tighter!”

“I'll hold…! you zip it together!”, demanded Cersei

“Come on! One,..! two…! Three!”

“Oh, my God, it fits!”

“It fits!”, chanted Baela with a wide smile

“Oh, it fits! It fits!”, chanted Walda

“Up top!”, Aegon high-fived the girls excitedly, and then, the girls invited him to get dressed… in a kilt on a pale violet pattern, the colors of the bridesmaids, and he did so without complaint.

Then they went to see you, the hairdresser was putting the final flowers on your hair arrangement, and you smiled nervously through the mirror to your friends

“You look beautiful”, said Cersei. Aegon nodded enthusiastically, but he could see the nervousness in your smile

“Why are we stopping?”, asked Aemond to the driver, as the car was stopping in the middle of nowhere

“Surry ‘bout that, unruly flock”, he said calmly, Aemond looked forwards and he found a herd of sheep blocking the road

First it had been a flat tire, now this, he was going to miss his flight.

He was going to miss his flight, the next one was tomorrow, so he was gonna have to stay in Winterfell till then… meanwhile you were getting married, and then the party, and then the wedding night and then…

He was going to lose you forever

And while he stared down the road, at those sheeps, he cursed under his breath

“I’m insane”, he muttered, “I have to stop it”, he thought of you, of your beautiful face, he thought about how you kissed him back, you wanted to be with him, as much as he wanted to be with you, he just needed to prove it, to prove how you could take this leap for him, with him, and he was going to be there for you, because he wanted to marry you.

He loved you

More than anything in the whole damn world

And he was not going to lose you, not without fighting till the end, he was going to look you in the eye and ask you, he knew you better than anyone, he was going to be able to tell if you meant it, and if you really wanted to marry that guy, he was going to leave you alone

But he needed to know first. 

“Turn around”, he said to the driver

“Whot?”

“I have to go back!”, he said quickly, “I have to!”, the man looked at him quizzically through the mirror, but he shrugged and turned the car around. Aemond let out a breath of relief. 

He checked his watch, and by now… you should be on your way, crossing the lake to the church right now.

“Take me to the crossing!”, he commanded, and Theon seemed to be on a mission, as he stepped on the gas.

Your feet already hurt from walking through all the ancient passages and rock hallways, but here you were, in the small chamber, at the church where Cregan’s parents and grandparents had married. And now you.

“Let's just pin these nice pressed pleats”, murmured Gilliane as she fixed the sash around you, “And it goes across the dress, it looks really beautiful. It's our tartan”, she said proudly, and then she left you alone after a last squeeze in your arm.

And when you looked in the mirror

You saw everyone, but you.

You had agreed to make concessions, Cregan’s family was millenary and they had traditions and you were willing to accept and embrace them, but you never guessed that by the end, there was going to be nothing of you. You didn’t like the hair, you didn't like the dress, you didn’t like the long dramatic veil they put on you.

You flinched when you heard your mother call your name, you were so enthralled by looking at the mirror you didn't even see her come in, you turned nervously, as you were fidgeting with your fingers

“You don’t want to do this”, she accused, in her severe, but somewhat gentle tone

“I do”, you said back, defensively

“Then you shouldn’t feel as nervous as you are right now”, she said with certainty

“I just…”, you murmured, “I don’t know”

“When I married you father… you know… we took months to prepare the wedding, we had everything, the food, the catering, the drinks for the party, the procession, freaking doves to be released, flowers, music, all of it, after months of carefully planning every detail… you know what happened?”, you shook your head, she only chuckled, “all the doves got released the day before, we were completely ripped off and someone stole all the boxes with the wine bottles. When I was dressed and ready to go, I got caught up, and a single thread undid all the embroidery in my carefully made dress…”, you gasped, but smiled nonetheless, “the flowers were sent to the wrong address, we barely had forks and spoons… everything that could go went terribly wrong”, she said. “And you know what? when I appeared at the end of that hallway… and I saw your father, waiting for me, I couldn’t have been more calm, even if I took a hundred valiums”

“Really?”, you asked her, she nodded

“How are you feeling, love?”, she asked gently

“I adore Cregan, he is a great man, and any woman would be lucky to have, he is perfect… so perfect…”

“But is he perfect for you?”, she asked. 

Was it horrible to think that… the first thought that came to your mind when your mother asked you that was… Cregan was perfect in every sense of the world, he was devastatingly handsome, in a Northerner kind of way, he was tall and muscular, he was kind, and generous, athletic and terribly smart, bonus point for having a distillery and a family legacy that went back thousands of years.

But no, he wasn’t the perfect man, for you.

And you felt like the most horrible person in the planet right now, even more so now that you started thinking about someone else in particular

Nobody knew you like Aemond did, with your flaws and all, he knew you like the palm of his hand, he was handsome in an old Hollywood kind of way, and he was good, creative, energetic, always looking for ways to make you smile and…. and…

You loved him, he complemented you, he was the chocolate to your lemon.

But he couldn’t say it back! you couldn’t count on him and after everything that happened, even your friendship might be ruined, so you had nothing to turn to, nothing and all

And that made you feel even worse if that was even possible

Because Cregan didn’t deserve to be your second choice, he was such a great man he should be a girl’s dream

You came to your senses when you heard your mother calling for you, grabbing your arm softly, and only then you realized you were crying.

“I’ll bring in the big guns”, she said, and she exited the room, only to get back with your flying squadron, your very best girlfriends, and well… Aegon in tow

When he saw you, crying, his face got all serious

“Can I speak to you?”, he asked you, you barely nodded, and all of them left except for him

“Aegon”, you knew him from school, even before Aemond, and then, as you became closer to his brother, he was always there, friend by association.

“He loves you”, he said

“What?”, you asked him

“Aemond… he is the biggest pussy I have ever seen, but he adores you”, he said, “he came all the way here to prove that to you”

“Aegon, he couldn’t say it back”, you murmured

“I don’t know why he didn’t say it”, he explained, “but he does”, he said, “and it's your wedding day, and you are crying”, he said, “don’t do it for Aemond, do it for you”, he said, “he might be a coward, but you aren’t, and if you are afraid you lost him? that’s never going to happen, he is crazy about you, and he will always be there for you, no matter what you do”

“Aegon…”

“(y/n)”, Cersei entered the room, interrupting, that determined look in her eyes, “it’s time, Cregan is making his entrance”, she said softly, she looked at Aegon, and then she looked at you. 

You wiped your tears, and looked back at the mirror, to check how you were looking.

You had made a decision 

It was the longest hour of Aemond’s whole life

And when he finally arrived and jumped out of the car right on the docks, he saw in panic how the ferry was on the other side of the lake.

“Oh, no”, he mumbled, “Shit. Shit! Shit!”, he cursed, he turned to the men there, “Hey! I need another ferry boat!”, he said desperately 

“We've only got the one ferry”, an old man said, as they both alongside Theon looked back at Aemond 

“What?”, asked Aemond

“It's waiting over there for the ceremony to finish!”, he said pointing at the boat arriving at the other side of the lake

“Is there another way to get there?”, he asked quickly

“You can drive”, he offered

“Drive. Drive. How long?”, he asked

“It'd take about an hour and a half”, he said

“That's too long!”, he fought

“You can swim”, mocked Theon

“Swim?”, he said it as a joke, but Aemond was actually considering it 

“Well, you can go on foot around the shore”, offered the older man, “But that would take a wee while”, he said then

“Shore... Foot”, Aemond thought about his options and so far swimming seemed to be the best one. 

Then a truck pulling a big horse cart drove until it was parked right next to the range rover that drove him here, a beautiful black horse neighed loudly, restless inside of the metal cage

“A horse! A horse!”, he said quickly, he had taken riding lessons in his youth, but since then, he never rode a horse again, but this might be just like riding a bike, how hard could it be?. “Hey!”, he called the man “I need your horse!”, he said quickly 

“My horse?”, the man asked

“Yes”, he said, walking straight for him. He saw the men hesitating but he did not have the time for it, so he just climbed into the cart, and mounted the horse, ho coincidently had a saddle on already

“Hey, come down from there!”, called the owner of the horse

“I need to get to the church!”, he said quickly, 

“What do you think you're planning, you great fool? You'll hurt yourself!”, said Theon

“I'll tell you I'll give you: 3 copper dragons for every coffee collar used worldwide”, he said loudly to the man who owned the horse

“What?”

“Do you have any idea how much money that is?”, Asked Aemond.

The man just looked at the crazy silver haired men, and then, he opened the doors of the cart to let him out, shrugging 

“Agh, good luck to you then. Her name's Nancy”, he said with a smile. Aemond smiled widely 

“Thanks. Nancy. Let's go!”, he said spurring Nancy. 

“Stick to the shoreline, past the monument, the church is on the left!”, Theon screamed at Aemond, who was already galloping away from the men

“What in the name of the wee man is a coffee collar?”

Aemond could already tell his ass and thighs were going to be sore tomorrow but he didn’t care, the only thing he had to do right now was get you back, stop that wedding. He had to trust the fact that he knew you, he knew you better than anyone and he knew in his heart.

That you loved him like he loved you 

In a romantic way, in a passionate way, in a romantic soulmates kind of way

He couldn't believe there was this chance of losing you.

He spurred Nancy even more.

He could feel his heart beating strongly inside his chest, but such determination took a hold of him that he saw nothing but the finish line. He saw nothing but you, waiting for him.

He couldn't wait to have you in his arms.

To tell you how much he loved you.

Nancy galloped frantically, feeling the adrenaline on her rider, and soon, Aemond with a sigh of relief could see the church right in front of him.

It was a very old, but small stone church, with a beautiful painted glass above the old door.

A cute small metal fence around it.

But Aemond didn’t have more time to see it, as Nancy stopped abruptly and he got ejected forwards. . 

When he managed to regain his bearings, he looked up and he saw you, across the small garden at the side of the church. You had been sitting on a stone bench. You wouldn't believe what you were seeing.

Aemond showed up out of nowhere, flying through the air. 

“Aemond?”, you called. But he had taken a hard hit. “Aemond. Are you okay?”, you asked him, trying to make him look at you to assess any damage he might have gotten.  

“Yeah, I think so”, he said, he seemed relieved, you were not getting married, but alas, this seemed like a dream, why weren't you getting married?, “Did you get married already?”, he looked around, but couldn’t find anyone else

“No I… didn’t”

It was probably the hardest thing you had to do. Aegon had gone in and grabbed Cregan, who had already taken his post in front of the altar. Whispers and murmurs filled the room as they waited for you, this raising their suspicions 

He was a smart man, he saw it coming as soon as Aegon came to grab him. 

“Oh, no”, he murmured, he only had to look at your face when he entered the small chamber, when he saw your crying face. You grabbed his hands

“I can’t do this Cregan”, you admitted, he barely nodded, looking straight into your eyes, “I'm… so… very truly sorry. I don't expect you to ever forgive me”, you assured him, “you deserve the whole world”, the sadness in his beautiful eyes made it so incredibly sad, “just so you know… you are the perfect guy. Just not the perfect guy for me”, you explained softly.

He smiled, sadly, leaning in and kissed your forehead

“Goodbye, (Y/N)”, he said gently. squeezing your hands

“I’m sorry”, you repeated

“You have nothing to be sorry for”, he assured you, and he left the room. He took his family first, you couldn't stand to watch that, you felt so embarrassed. Your family and your bridesmaids where waiting for you on the other side of the lake, at your request

“Aemond, what are you doing here?”, you asked him, wide eyed 

“I have to tell you something”, he said, grabbing onto you, he was smiling widely

“Yeah?”, you asked him, confused, you column’t believe he had returned, you couldn’t believe this was happening 

“(Y/N)... Your hair looks awful”, he said then, frowning

“It does?”, you asked him

“Yeah”, well, you nodded, deep down you knew that too, “And the sash… it sucks”, he said

“Oh, no”, you murmured, looking down at yourself 

“But that hair… It's like a co-op for parakeets”, you opened your mouth in surprise

“What?”, you asked, horrified, touching your hair. 

“Look... (Y/N), you know, I pride myself on being honest with everybody, but there's somebody I've been lying to for a very long time: Myself”, he said firmly, “Because the truth is… Is scary, and 10 years ago, I got in bed with the wrong girl, she turned out to be the right one”, you smiled at the memory, happy tears springing to your eyes, “I love you, (Y/N), I always have. And I always will”

“Aemond Targaryen… you are the worst maid of honor of all time”, you said, with a soft smile. 

“I know”, he said, with a wide smile, he caressed your face, “you didn't get married?”, he asked, you shook your head

“Cregan wasn't the one I really loved”, you said simply, looking straight at him, “I love you”, you confessed, “in the romantic way, not in the platonic way”, you murmured

“And I love you too”, he said it again, making happy tears roll down your cheeks, “in the… I want to spend the rest of my life with you way”.

And then, you finally kissed.

It was a real kiss, a kiss in the open, with the man you truly loved.

It was true, it was, because six months later, as you were putting on your perfect dress for you, and the hairdresser finished doing your hair in a simple and yet fantastic way that you picked, you were so calm, and relaxed.

Especially when the doors to the roof opened and you saw him there, waiting for you.

As handsome as always, or perhaps even more so, looking at you with such adoration it made your legs buckle in the best of ways

You looked around and you saw all your friends and families, even Aemond’s mother was there, which surprised you a lot.

And they were all smiling at you. 

Aegon, at Aemond’s side, threw his thumbs up at you with a wide smile on his face.

Everything was alright.

You decided to do a small ceremony on the roof of Aemond’s penthouse, and it was beautifully decorated and everything was just… exactly what you both wanted and needed.

You walked alone until you reached him, and when his hands grabbed yours softly it felt like everything was well in the world, all of it.

He was your soulmate

“...So (y/n), do you take Aemond Targaryen, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”, asked the septon

“I do”, you said happily, your eyes never leaving Aemodn’s

“And, Aemond, do you take (Y/N) to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do”, he said quickly, his eyes never lingering from you

“Now, this is the moment, I now pronounce you husband and wife… At last! you may kiss your bride”, they said gently. Aemond grabbed you by the waist, turned you in his arms, making you lean back, and he leaned in himself to kiss you softly.

“I love you”, he said with such adoration your legs buckled

“I love you”, you whispered, looking into his beautiful eyes, he pulled you back up and raised both your hands to your friends and family who clapped loudly

You lead the way, as your ‘procession’ of maids of honor and best men were behind you.

Otto grabbed Cersei by the arm as he winked at her

“Number six?”, asked Criston mockingly behind him

“Seven!”, he corrected, winking at him too.

Walda followed next, she had brought from the North Cregan’s family member Roose Bolton, and they seemed happily together. 

Baela was escorted by Addam

And Aegon grabbed your grandmother 

“You're absolutely glowing tonight, grandma Pearl”, teased Aegon, as he saw your grandmother using her mythical thunder beads necklace

“Thank you”, she said, “It's very nice of you to say so”, she said, squeezing his arm and winking at him, making him chuckle 

The ebay part about marrying your best friend and love of your life?

Aemond lost his voice, standing there still, as he saw you, he was left speechless. 

He knew you like the palm of his hand, but you knew him too, and that helped you select the perfect lingerie set to surprise him on your wedding night.

“You look…”, he tried, but no words came to him, he grabbed you tightly, holding you against him, kissing you hungrily

You both landed on the bed, you were going to finally consummate the adoration you felt for one another. 

Aemond released you for a second, to stretch his arm and turn on the nightstand lamp

“What are you doing?”, you asked him, with a soft smile

“I'm just making sure I got the right girl this time”, he teased, making a remark on the first time you guys met. 

“Oh you do”, you assured him, as he returned his hand to caress your body, “Definitely”, you whispered against his lips, kissing him softly. He chuckled, sinking his face on the crook of your neck making you laugh

“Oh, Tyanna!”, he moaned, exaggerating of course, the pitch of his voice

“Oh, Maegor!”, you moaned back, giggling

And you lived happily ever after

PCN: For those who had seen the movie, I changed the whole last part, it's just… it was poorly handled in the movie and I didn’t really like it, poor Cregan, I didn't want the reader kissing Aemond right in front of him, so I made a bit more… tasteful

taglist 🤍

@snh96 @sagelovesreading @toodlesxcuddles @ammo23 @bananzaa @ttkttt @at-a-rax-ia @n4tforlife @spn-obession

[bejeweledblondie]

Johnny “Soap” MacTavish Headcannons

A/N: I’m very happy y’all are enjoying these!

Warnings NSFW

• Y’all met while you were on a study abroad program

• You had been returning from a night class & decided to go to the local pub for a pint & some food

• It was another soldier that pointed you out initially but he caught your eye

• “Oi, what’s a wee lass like yourself doin’ all alone in the corner?” (It definitely didn’t come out THAT clearly)

• it took you a minute to process what the hell he had said since his Scottish accent is so thick

• You spent hours chatting in that bar, about your home life, studies, etc. Johnny was limited in what he could tell you about his profession

• The two of you exchanged numbers & on your first date he took you to the Scottish countryside

• The view took your breath away, & he explained the history of his homeland to you (he’s very patriotic)

• You’d FaceTime, call, text etc. once you had to return to your home country

• He was so proud to see you graduate (he knew how hard you worked towards obtaining your college degree)

• He told you he couldn’t go to your graduation due to work (it was a lie)

• He planned out a whole secret proposal with your parents over FaceTime

• imagine your surprise when you saw him after the ceremony

• He proposed in private in your childhood house’s backyard

• You initially got married in the states to be able to live with him due to his military service & start receiving housing

• Y’all had a ceremony & reception at a castle in the Scottish countryside complete with a hand tying ceremony

• Yes, you had a bagpiper at the wedding

• He wore a kilt (are we even surprised?)

• Your garter had his last name on it & was in tartan plaid that matched his kilt (yes you had a garter toss & he was in shock when he saw the garter)

• Y’all got a gorgeous little cottage by the sea & ofc a sheep dog to go with it

• He 100% would be hosting for football matches

• And if you’re American y’all would definitely host a Super Bowl watch party

• I feel like he’d love reality tv (especially 90 Day Fiancé & the Kardashians)

• He has commentary too for every scene

• “what a fooking idiot.”

• His favorite Kardashian is Kris Jenner

• Since he can barley keep his hands off of you, he knocks you up only a month after your wedding

• Since he was deployed you mailed him ultrasound photos of the bean

• For a man who is incredibly intelligent it didn’t click that you send multiple photos of the same ultrasound

• He thought he was having quints at first & nearly had a stroke

• “You’re having five of ‘em?!” “No that’s the same fetus just different photos”

• He kept the ultra sound photos in his plate carrier

• Tactical baby gear is a must (also it’s a real company which is awesome)

• Hear me out little baby kilt, Simon gifted it to y’all

• You nearly cried when you opened the gift d

• Simon is 100% the godfather of your baby, if you trust him with Johnny’s life you can ensure if anything happened your baby would be taken care of

• Johnny was lucky that he was able to be there the entire time you were in labor

• He almost fainted when he saw the epidural (I don’t blame him)

• You guys had a little boy

• Unfortunately while you were in recovery he got called back into work for a mission

• Before he left he held your son just incase it was his last time holding him

• You sobbed when he left & one of the nurses had to console you

• Thankfully it was just a hostage rescue so he was back within a few days & ready to help out with the baby

• He carried your son around in one of those baby carriers that your strap to your chest

• Your baby boy is so giggly just like his daddy

• He will constantly be making his son laugh with silly faces, hand motions, anything

• Whenever the boys come over to watch a match your son will be passed around like a hot potato one moment he’ll be sitting with Price then next Simon has him

• As your son gets older he gets interested in what his daddy does, & he’s infatuated with being a soldier

• He’ll play pretend soldier with Soap all the time

• You’re constantly picking up Nerf darts

• When Soap is away on a mission, your son will crawl into bed with you because he misses his daddy

• He draws photos of him & the Task Force to send to overseas

• I also feel like y’all’s son would be incredibly helpful around the home especially when you’re expecting baby No. 2 & after baby No. 2 is born

• Baby No.2 is a little girl

• He’s definitely very protective over his little girl

• “She’s just as beautiful as you, Bonnie”

• Y’all’s son would also enlist or commission to the British Military but I think he’d actually be a King’s Guard for a bit

• And I feel like your daughter would be incredibly creative, she’d use those talents to be an artist

• I do believe Soap is a die hard family man & that’s one of the many reasons why you fell in love with him

✨NSFW✨

• He’s definitely a cheeky bastard & will not hesitate to smack, grab, or make comments in public about you

• He’s 100% dominant in the bedroom & loves to be called “daddy”, or even “Johnny”

• He fucked you right before y’all walked into your wedding reception, perks of wearing a kilt

• This man loves your legs & especially your thighs

• He loves to watch you squirm when his hand trails your legs all the way leading up to your pussy

• He’s not quite during sex whatsoever, he’ll full on groan, moan & tell you good you feel

• He’s a sucker for flexibility

• You take up yoga to improve your flexibility

• I definitely believe y’all wouldn’t even make it through the front door when he comes home

•He’d either fuck you on the hood of the car or the damn back seat in the parking lot

• He loves it when you wear his old PT shorts & no panties easy access

• He definitely loves you & your body & would know how to take care of you

[jammiesjars]

omggg I love your story, can I request some more soap smut?? Where reader is a brat to soap

Anon, YOU GET ME BRO. YOU GET ME. (Original Post)

Warnings: Spanking, Dacryphilia if you squint, fingering, punishment, Dom!Soap, Sub!Reader, This man is a MENACE, lowkey a drabble so very short!!

Johnny doesn’t seem to… appreciate your lack of appetite.

Johnny's return from battle is something to celebrate, especially when he rides in carrying the heads from a band of thieves that terrorized the village for decades.

So when he's got his pretty little wife, sat in his lap, at the dinner table simply refusing to eat, he can't say he's happy.

"Johnny, seriously. I'm not hungry." You'd mumble, pushing the plate away once again. You're being honest; you're not. But to Soap? His poor wife is going to wither away in his arms and he won't let that happen. "And I'll tell ye again, M'eudail. Yer goin' to eat whether I feed ye or you be a good girl and do it yerself." He croons, his head resting on your shoulder. He reaches an arm out that was previously wrapped around your waist and drags the plate back over. "So which one is it, Lovie?"

That earns a groan from you. "Love, n-" Your protest is cut off by a chunk of meat being shoved into your mouth. Soap cradles the back of your head, the other hand keeping you from spitting the food out.

"Chew."

Christ, that tone. It stirs something warm in you, yet leaves no room for arguement. Demanding and harsh. You shake your head, a part of you wanting to piss him off and see just how far he'll take your out-of-line behaviour. Soaps eyes narrow at that shake of your head; its so unlike you to have to be told twice.

"Pushin' me buttons all damn night, Lassie. You tryin' to be a brat?" Soap asks, tilting your head back which forces you to swallow. "I come back from a month at battle, to a misbehaving wifey, aye? Do I have to keep an eye on you since you want to act so out of line?" His gaze is harsh, and you know you've done it now. He grabs another piece of meat off the plate in front of him.

"Open, woman. Dont make me ask again." He presses the chunk of meat to your lips, to which you reluctantly open. Soap tuts at your obvious disdain. "Last fuckin' chance, Lassie. Chew and swallow, or i'll do it for ye and drag you upstairs to be delt with." His gaze is trained on you; like a stalking predator.

and yet, you defy him again with a simple shake of your head.

He stands up, making you yelp as he slings you over his shoulder. "Swallow what's in yer mouth before we get upstairs, ye brat." He'd scowl, carrying you shamelessly out of the feast with a puffed chest. You swallow.

Soap unceremoniously sets you down, before sitting down on the edge of the bed. He pats one of his muscular thighs, barely covered by his kilt and corded in thick muscle. "C'mere lass." He orders, which has you scrambling to sit on his lap.

He stops you just as you sit down, tutting. 'Nae, lass. bend over my lap."

Suddenly, your attitudes gone. "Johnny, wait-"

"No, no, Lass. Ye wanna give me attitude? Atleast keep it up. Over my lap, now." He pats his thigh again. On shaky legs, you move yourself to bend over his lap. Soap hikes your skirts up over your hips, alongside yanking down the undergarments that thinly covered the rest of you. His hand glides over the supple skin of your ass.

"Ye know what's coming next, don't ye?" He clicks his tongue, his palm coming down and connecting with the flesh of your ass with a loud smack. Your body jolts forward and you dig your nails into his thigh for some feeble stability. He strikes again, hard enough for a slight sting to remain that he does nothing to soothe. "Apologise now and I might go easy on ye." He taunts, smacking you again.

"Mm- I'm sorry-" You're cut off by your own yelp when he strikes again, tears in your lower lash line. "I'm sorry Johnny!" You sniffle, pouting.

That pulls a mean scoff from Soap. "Pouting now, aren't ye? Tryna make me feel bad by callin' me Johnny in that sweet voice, huh?" He smacks again; harder. You whimper, a tear sliding down your cheek.

Soap groans at your sniffle, his hand resting against your ass, rubbing soothing circles.

"...Christ, Lass. Don't cry." Soap grunts, roughly pulling you up to straddle his lap. Calloused hands cup your cheeks as he wipes your tears. "Fuckin' gorgeous when ye cry, love." Soap coos, keeping your skirts hiked up around your hips as he does the same to his kilt. "Ye want me cock, birdie? Ye want to feel good?"

You pitifully nod, tears still trickling. "Please."

"Should've thought about tha' before you started actin' like a brat, then." Soap gives a nasty grin, parting his thighs for enough of a gap to press thick fingers up against your weeping cunt; gliding in with ease.

A pitiful moan passes your lips, ellicting a chuckle from Soap.

“Such a dirty lil slag, ain’t ye?” He coos meanly, leaving you to cling to his broad shoulders for any form of stability.

Despite his degrading words that make you pout and ass still stinging from his rough treatment, your cunt squelches with every harsh thrust of his fingers.

“To- Too much-“ you mindlessly babble, body trembling under his brutal ministrations.

“Ah ah ah, my pretty birdie wanted ta’ feel good, didn’t she?” He coos, scottish brogue heavy with lust. “Knew she was gonna get punished and kept testin’ me.”

“Please-“ you choke out, mind going hazy as your release is approaching quickly.

Then suddenly, nothing. Soap has pulled his fingers from you, chuckling so cruelly at the pitiful sob that passes your lips.

“Went easy on yer spankin’. Now you’ll take what I give ye until I know ye won’t be misbehaving anymore.”

[jayofolympus-writes]

More from my pile of unposted works.

Soap has fallen in love with someone who will never want him back

Soap's head was pounding when he woke up and rolled out of bed. He hadn't drank that much in a long time, and he was paying for it now. His only consolation was that Gaz had been just as drunk as he was, and likely wasn't in any better shape now.

Ghost was a fucking godsend, already in the shared kitchen fixing up a fry up, even if he was radiating smugness without even having to turn around to look at Soap.

"So, when should I expect to get a save the date?" Ghost asked, plating up the bacon into a nice big pile that Soap was looking forward to scarfing down once he'd done something about his mouth feeling like he'd been eating sand.

It wasn't until he was gulping down water that Ghost's words registered, and Soap choked, spluttering water all over the counter.

"Fuck sake, keep it away from the fucking food," Ghost grumbled, moving to shield the plates with his body. "Trust you to be able to drown drinking a fucking glass of water."

Soap gave him the finger, unable to give a better response than that while he was still struggling to breathe.

"The fuck d'ye mean 'save the date'?" he demanded, once he had stopped choking.

Ghost just nodded to the notebook sitting ominously in the middle of the table. Soap could tell he was grinning under his mask, and decided to approach the notebook with the appropriate level of caution; treating it like an unidentified explosive that was rigged to blow. He still wasn't prepared for what he found inside.

Flicking through the pages, hazy memories trickled back into reach, fuzzy at the edges and tilted a little to the side, but clear enough to cause his cheeks to redden with embarrassment. Gaz had been bemoaning his lack of love life, the way all his cousins seemed to be getting married these days, and the fact that his mother was now hounding him for news of a relationship, and Soap had offered to marry him, forgetting in his drunkenness that he was meant to be keeping his crush to himself.

"Fuck," he hissed, looking at the sketches depicting himself in a kilt and Gaz carrying a bouquet. It appeared they were sharing Price and Ghost as their best men, and on the next page he'd clearly begun attempting to design rings.

The notebook needed to be burned.

He turned, intending to grab the nearest lighter and take the thing outside to hide the evidence of his shame, and nearly ran right into Gaz himself, emerging from the spare room.

"Oh my god, I can't believe we actually planned a wedding last night," Gaz laughed, snatching the notebook from him to flip through it, grinning. "Thank fuck I fell asleep before I could hit send, 'cause I tried to text my mum and tell her I was getting married."

Soap forced out a laugh, though it came out higher and more panicked than he intended. He needed to get the notebook back so he could burn it and they could all move on and pretend it had never happened. He needed to change his name and move to Mexico, really. Rudy would surely help him hide, maybe even set him up with a new identity. He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid as to put it all down on paper like that, not when plausible deniability had gotten him this far.

"Shit, Soap, for as shit faced as we were, these drawings are still fucking sick," Gaz said, inspecting one of the pages more closely. "I can barely draw stick figures when I'm sober, fucking hell."

Soap forced another laugh, getting desperate. Ghost turned to look at him, picking up his - far too obvious - distress signals.

"Right, food's up," Ghost announced, pulling the pan off the hob and sliding the last fried egg onto a plate. "I'm going for a smoke before I eat. Johnny?"

Soap nodded, so frantically that he felt like one of those stupid bobblehead things. "Yeah, sounds good," he said, his voice weak as he clutched at the merciful exit he'd been offered. "Leave some bacon for us, yeah?" he called to Gaz, already fleeing out the door.

Ghost caught up with him outside and silently offered his pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"You know, last night I thought you just wanted to suck his dick," he noted, watching Soap far more intently than he'd like. "You really do want to marry him though don't you? You're fucked."

Soap didn't even try to deny it. He really was fucked. Gaz thought it was all some big joke, but he was going to figure it out sooner or later, and then Soap would... Well, at best, he'd be embarrassed and everything would be very awkward until he could get over it and move on. Considering how long he'd been hiding his feelings for Gaz, though, he didn't think he'd be getting over it any time soon. Would Gaz ever be able to look at him the same way after? It would make him uncomfortable, Soap was sure, to know that someone he worked so closely with, someone he was around almost all the time, had been creeping on him.

"Shit, you're not just fucked, Johnny," Ghost hissed, his eyes pitying. "You're already breaking your fucking heart over him."

Soap just shrugged. He could hardly help it; Gaz was beautiful, inside and out, with a sharp mind and a smile like sunshine. He was kind in a way that Soap had never been, and funny, and Soap loved him. It was hard not to.

"Doesn't really matter, does it?" he said, giving Ghost a sad smile. "Not like it's ever gonna happen. I'll get over it, ye jist need tae keep me from doin' anythin' stupid until then."

Ghost sighed. "How the fuck did I end up in the middle of this?"

That got a real laugh from Soap, and he felt steady enough to go back inside and face Gaz again, hopefully without giving himself away.

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | January 15th-21st 2024

My ao3 history is still fucked. Gonna have to figure out if there's something I can do about it :/

Complete

hot cocoa by evcndiaz/ @evcndiaz (Established Buddie | 3K | Teen): Buck is freaking out about proposing. He gets an assist from Athena, Bobby, and. Well. Eddie himself.

A Message To You by Mad_Lori/ @madlori (Media fic, Getting Together | 9K | Teen): Two firefighters both write to an advice column on the same day, with the same problem - they're each in love with their best friend. You won't believe what happens next!

🔥 Life Cycles of the Southern Coastal Husbro series by Mad_Lori/ @madlori (Post-Season 5, Queer Platonic Relationship to Lovers | 5 works | 92K)

🔥 Courtship Behaviors of the Southern Coastal Husbro (QPR, Getting Together | 49K | Explicit): “I want you in my family, I want us to be a family. Officially. A family can be a guy, his son, and his best friend, right?” Buck’s lower lip was trembling. “You’re really asking me to be your…what, now?” “Frank called it ‘platonic life partners.’” Observational Notes on the Southern Coastal Husbro (Fluff | 10K | Mature): A day in the life of two engaged firefighter husbros and their smartass son. Migratory Patterns of the Southern Coastal Husbro (Coming Out | 13K | Explicit): Buck and Eddie visit El Paso to tell the Diaz parents that they're engaged. Also, they go viral (again), eat King Ranch Casserole, pontificate on queer identities, get a visit from the Fire Chief, and the Hot Firefighter Calendar makes a reappearance. Ancestral Lineage of the Southern Coastal Husbro (Parental Reconciliations | 13K | Explicit): The Buckleys surprise Eddie at home when Buck's not there, hoping to work around Buck's no-contact edict and attempt a reconciliation. Later, Eddie surprises Buck with the news that hey, he has grandparents on his mom's side, too. Surprise number two: they suck. Eddie and Buck remain disgustingly in love with each other. Sexual Alignments of the Southern Coastal Husbro (5K | Teen): Eddie goes out for drinks with the dispatch center folks, gets hit on at the bar, and has personal epiphanies about his sexual orientation.

Kilty Pleasures by JamesPearce911/ @diazsdimples (PWP, Established Buddie | 8K | Explicit): Or, Buck and Eddie discover they have kilt kinks.

melt your headaches (call it home) by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Pre-Relationship, Sharing a Bed | 2K | Teen): hypothetically, Buck types. if someone hit their head in the morning, they probably shouldn’t go to sleep alone, huh The phone vibrates in his hand before he can even put it down, Eddie’s face flashing on the screen. Buck sighs and picks it up. “What did you do?” Eddie asks immediately. “Hypothetically, the Scrub Daddy tried to kill me.”

Fractals from the Lightning Bolt by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (One Shots Collection | 41/54 | 78K | Not Rated): A collection of oneshots, some originally posted on tumblr. Each chapter is individually rated.

44. We Gotta Create Our Interludes: Rated E - some soft established relationship fluff and smut 45. My Application to Hell: Rated E - shameless smut of the "they could never get away with this in real life" variety.

what my heart just yearns to say (in ways that can't be said) by mimibegins/ @itiveseenthisfilmbefore (Post S06E15: Death and Taxes | 5K | General): “I didn’t know that,” Eddie replied, eyebrows furrowed. And then he added so quietly that Buck almost missed it: “I mean, how would I? As I don’t see you.” And Buck was struck through the core and taken back in time. From one moment to the next, he was back at the graveyard, looking at Eddie and saying “I feel like she sees me” and then he recalled the broken look behind Eddie’s eyes and oh. So that’s what was wrong.

Twice Struck by Tizniz / @tizniz (Post-Lightning | 3K | General): Buck finds out he wasn't the only one struck by lightning that night.

dusk until the dawn (you're where i wanna go) by mimibegins/ @itiveseenthisfilmbefore (Post S6E14: Performance Anxiety, Getting Together | 5K | Teen): “So, would you say that you’re worried about dating because you never really dated,“ Buck said as he shifted his weight, draping himself over the couch in a way that was almost obscene for a public space. “Is that a question, or– ?” Eddie wondered, slightly amused as he looked up at Buck, who looked so pensive, if not a bit stunned as he was seemingly still trying to wrap his head around the disastrous dating experiences of Eddie Diaz. “No, it’s– yeah, okay, I guess it’s a question but– have you?” Buck asked, almost bashful, with a faint blush sitting high on his cheeks as he met Eddie’s eyes. God, Eddie thought as he felt how the blood rushed into his cheeks as well. These feelings are definitely not platonic.

he's a big boy by oklahoma/ @malewifediaz (Married Buddie, PWP | 5K | Explicit): Eddie has a thing for Buck's big dick.

one is one too many, one more is never enough by 42hrb / @exhuastedpigeon (Drunk Confession | 2K | Teen): They say hangovers get worse as you get older. Buck never believed that until his first hangover in his thirties hit him like a fucking freight train. He had vowed to never get that drunk again. And he’d kept that promise to himself for over a year. That all changed at Maddie and Chimney’s wedding. He’d like it noted that it wasn’t his fault that he got so drunk. He hadn’t had any of the mimosas that were flowing while Maddie and her bridal party got ready because he didn’t want to risk anything going wrong when he walked Maddie down the aisle. In fact, he hadn’t had a drink until after he gave his speech. 

🔥 Don't Push Me So Far Away I Can't Reach You by giselleslash (Friends With Benefits | 12K | Mature): or the one where Buck thinks he and Eddie are just friends with benefits so he pushes Eddie to date other people because he’s an idiot

if you keep reachin' out (then I'll keep comin' back) by 42hrb / @exhuastedpigeon (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): It probably wasn’t the best idea to flirt with Buck before a rescue but Eddie couldn’t help himself. He’d been struggling with keeping his feelings for Buck locked down for months now, maybe even longer if he was honest with himself. 

i love you, ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard? by rarakiplin (gmontys)/ @hoediaz (Post-Shooting | 9K | Teen): or, in which eddie's will reveal is a love confession, and buck takes a second to catch up

🔥 maybe love won't let you down by sibylsleaves (Season 5B, Getting Together | 15K | Mature): Buck tells Eddie he’s in love with him. Eddie pines. or, five times eddie watches buck leave, and the one time he goes after him

Rope 'n Ride by rosebuddiekin/ @giddyupbuck (PWP | 2K | Explicit): Or: Eddie rides Buck wearing the cowboy hat.

WIP

search history by forgottenwords (Getting Together | 8/10 | 11K | Explicit): Eddie opened the Safari app to find a specific recipe Buck was looking for, but something was already typed in the search box. Beefy blonde twink gets railed by— Buck's voice calls out from the kitchen “Did you find it yet?” and Eddie hastily closes the tab, opening another with a surprising speed from someone considered technologically illiterate. As close as they were, he’d never had a thought about the type of ‘adult entertainment’ Buck was partial to. Now, it was all he could think about.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon, S1 through S6 | 107/? | 296K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

🔥 and if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) by diazchristopher/ @captain-hen (Canon Divergent Season 6, Friends with Benefits | 5/18 | 23K | Explicit): or, an alternate look at season 6 where buck and eddie have been casually sleeping together since before the beginning of the season. somehow, this changes both everything and nothing at all.

Winter Prayer by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Road Trip, Buck&Bobby&May | 1/3 | 5K | General): When a work conflict prevents Athena from accompanying Bobby to Minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, Buck and May offer to go instead. Over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and Bobby faces his grief.

(when i die) i'll die loving you by lecornergirl / @clusterbuck (The Good Place Fusion | 1/? | 2K | Teen): OR: buck and eddie are in the afterlife, and they're soulmates. but it's not quite that simple.

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night by I_still_dont_understand_13 / @sherlockcrossing (Prompt collection | 21/? | 14K | Teen): 100 kiss prompts.

22. 82. Whispering "I love you" in-between kisses  23. 1. Whispering "kiss me" to your lover  24. 18. Grabbing your lover by the collar 

[doobnnoob-tf2]

I made that fic request post forever ago and I feel so bad I'm just now getting to these but @fontodue I hope you enjoy

===

Sniper had been called away on a mission and would be gone for over a week. Heavy and Medic decided to go to a lodge a bit up north for the weekend. Engineer, Soldier, Demoman, and Pyro all took a roadtrip to go check out some sort of oddities shop that had opened the next town over and decided to make a weekend trip of it as well. The base was quiet.

"Yo, Spy!"

Mostly.

Spy and Scout were the only two left on the base. And while the calm, quiet, serene bliss of having a relatively empty base was almost heaven for Spy, it was torture - he discovered - for Scout. He'd come to find out that living with seven older brothers only to move to a base with 8 other mercenaries meant he didn't know what quiet really meant or how to appreciate it. But he'd been patient with Scout's annoyingly constant seeking him out. He knew it was only because he was lonely.

And so when he did it again while Spy was laying on the couch in the rec room, enjoying the silence with his eyes shut, he didn't even so much as let out a sigh. He simply moved his arm off his face to look up at him leaning over the back of the couch. "Yes?"

"Okay, good, you're awake. So, I had an idea. Since everyone else is kinda off doin' their thing.. I was thinkin.. ya know.. maybe you and I could head to town in that fancy car 'a yours and pick up chicks at the bar."

"Scout-"

"I know what you're thinkin', and I know. Regular bar chicks ain't your thing, you like fancy ladies. But, and hear me out, I've got a plan."

"Scout-"

"Spy, come on, just trust me with this, please! I'm tellin' you, this idea is foolproof!"

"I am fairly certain in order for a plan to not be foolproof, a fool could not have come up with it."

"Well thankfully there ain't one here today, so come on!" He grabbed Spy and pulled him up to his feet, leading him back to his room. "So here's my plan. We need to stand out, right? If we can get all eyes on us, then we have their attention and we can pick whoever we want at that point." He opened his bedroom door, leaving Spy standing outside it as he stepped in and talked loudly through it. "I went through everything I've got.. and maybe some'a everyone else's stuff, don't tell them. And I think I've put together the best outfit!"

Spy leaned back against the wall opposite to the door, staring at it with an eyebrow raised. He folded his arms over his chest and waited for whatever this horrible display was about to be. And upon its reveal, he..

..well, it took every atom in his body to not move a single muscle in his face, for starters.

Spy stood there, bewildered as his eyes roamed over him. He'd found one of Demoman's kilts. One of Sniper's hats. And what he can only assume is one of Medic's dressier shirts he wears when he and Heavy go out for their weekly dinner dates. None of it matched. Or fit, for that matter. But his eyes darted up to Scout's face and the hopeful look in his eye knocked him out of his stupor.

He cleared his throat and reached up to fix his own waistcoat as he moved away from the wall. "Well, ah.. it is something, I shall give it that. And I can tell you.. chose things wisely." He moved around to look in at the clothing pile on his bed. And then back at Scout again. And then at the clothes, thinking long and hard before turning to him once more with a smile. "How about we move all of this to the recreational room and.. go through it together? I can think of a few.. adjustments we could make to this, oui?"

There was a sparkle in Scout's eye as he ran in to gather all of it in his arms and rush out to head down the hall. Spy followed him, bending down to pick up each article of clothing that falls like a breadcrumb trail behind him.

...

Medic huffed as he opened the door, folding his arms and looking at Heavy. "I still can't believe it. Snowed in!"

"It was lodge, Doktor.. it should have snow."

"But we're in the middle of a desert, it was a desert lodge! How could it be snowed in?"

Heavy chuckled as he moved past him, stepping into the rec room and pausing at the sight. He felt Medic bump into his back before moving around him to see as well.

Scout and Spy sat on the floor, two bottles of wine - one clearly empty - and a mountain of clothes sitting beside them. Both dressed in mismatched outfits and laughing with each other. Spy was the one who noticed them finally when bringing his glass up to take a drink. He paused, looking at the mess and then back at them. "We.. were not expecting anyone to return so soon."

Medic only squinted. "..Spy, are you wearing my pants?"

Scout, already drunk, snickered and then leaned over to wrap his arm around Spy's shoulders. "Yeah, he's showin' me how to, uh.. what were we doin' with all this again?"

Spy looked over at him. "You tried wearing Demoman's kilt to a bar and I was not about to let you do that."

Scout pointed at Spy, looking to Medic. "Yeah, that!"

Medic only sighed, looking between the two. His question wasn't answered, and he only had even more questions now, but he was still too upset with not having a lodge for the weekend to care. Shaking his head, he turned to head to the bedrooms, Heavy following behind him. "You two are doing laundry for a week if you spill wine on anything."

Spy waited for them to leave before turning to Scout and grinning. "Do you think we should tell them we used his shirt to mop up the wine we spilled on the floor?"

"Well, in our defense, we didn't spill it ON his shirt."

The two laughed harder into the rest of the night, plans of going out to drink long since forgotten.

[stardustto-dust]

Why you should vote Abed Nadir in the 2023 autism swag summit

I've seen people do this for other polls and it is vital that Abed Nadir from the 2009-2015 NBC comedy Community wins this one.

Vote him round one here.

Does he fit the first part of the statement? Yes, Abed is canonically autistic.

When he realised autistic fans related to him, creator Dan Harmon did as much research as he possibly could into autism as to not let those fans down.

While doing said research, Harmon realised himself was likely on the spectrum. Meaning that Abed is a canon autistic character created by an autistic person. How often does that happen?

Due to the above facts, he is a very well researched and developed autistic character, with both traits more commonly shown in the media, such as blunted affect and difficulties reading faces and less commonly shown traits, such as hyperempathy and sensory issues.

From the time Abed first appeared on screen to the present day, there have been many blog posts, magazine articles and even scholarly articles written about how good rep he is. I have seen him on many a neurodiversity advocacy Instagram account. (If you want me to link some I will!)

OK, we have established the autism. What about the swag? Well, first of all, as Donald Glover summarised it "Abed fucks". There is a whole episode dedicated to his friends trying to get him a girlfriend and worrying about his self-esteem and in the end it turns out he gets plenty of girls and, as he says, he has "self-esteem falling out (his) butthole." He also gets guys hitting on him. And how can we mention Abed without his boyfriend soulmate best friend Troy. who canonically wants to have his "gentle and mysterious" "other half"'s children. In short, bisexual king.

Of course, swag is not limited to just sexual and romantic prowess, as the amount of aroace people I know with limitless swag testifies to. Swag can also be measured by commitment to the bit, for example. And, boy, is Abed known for his commitment to the bit.

Abed is Batman, Han Solo and Jesus. He is a mafia boss. He is a cartoon man discovering the meaning of Christmas. He is the narrator and the cameraman. Like, not metaphorically or in archetype. He realises a need for these characters in the story and becomes them.

[GIF- Abed as Batman, applying lip balm, possessing undeniable amounts of swag]

9. "How does he realise the need for the these things in the story?" you may ask. Well, his special interest is film and TV. He is a filmmaker. Thus, he frames his life in terms of genre, often seeming aware of the fact he is in a sitcom. However, this often changes, and, the show branches off into completely different genres, which Abed points out. These shifts in genre explore character dynamics and also are super awesome. Abed is so genre-aware, he changes the entire genre of the show. That is swag.

10. The Community fandom here on Tumblr.com, and throughout the web, is quite small. It will make us very happy. Plus, for the first time in 8 years, there likely will be new Abed content this year, due to the release of the movie. (Due to one of Abed's many catchphrases "Six seasons and a movie!")

11. Please please please please I love him so much and i am very cool you should listen to me please please please.

So yeah, that's it! If you have anything to add, please do!

Click below for some Abed gifs.

[GIF- "Evil Abed" (Abed with a goatee and sunglasses) walking through his college being evil. He hangs up someone's payphone call, pops a girls balloon with his cigarette and then dumps said cigarette into a woman's coffee]

[GIF- Two gifs. One is of Troy, topless, leaning out of an airvent. He looks down and says "I love you". Next is of Abed, looking up at him. He says "I know", before being grabbed by a zombie in a kilt]

[GIF- Abed, wearing sunglasses, saying "movie reference". Jeff is there too and also wearing sunglasses]

[GIF- Abed saying "Cool. Cool cool cool"]

Ok there are so many more GIFs I want to put but I kinda have work soon lol. You get the gist, he is amazing. Vote Abed!

[queer-in-a-cornfield]

Some of us on the discord were discussing what Dewey would be like as an adult yesterday, prompting this little fic (1325 words) based on my hc that Dewey would become a stage actor

Dewey walks down the busy streets of New York, humming some vocal warmups. While he appears as calm and collected as he ever does, his mind is racing a mile a minute.

Today was his Broadway debut, and he was equal parts excited and nervous. He’d done many a show in the past but those were different. This was BROADWAY, the gold standard of theatre. Sure, this wasn’t a principal role or anything, he was just replacing a departing ensemble member, but still! A Broadway debut is a Broadway debut. It’s a big day, and he’s freaking out a little.

He rounds the corner of the theatre and opens the stage door, making a pit stop to check in for the day and readjust his bag. He nearly drops his coffee but manages to set it down to adjust his grip before continuing on to his dressing room.

He swings the door open and finds that Rico and Alex, the castmates who share the room with him had already arrived.

“Hey, guys!” Dewey says as he walks over to his designated area. He pauses suddenly before he can put his things down. “What’s all this?”

Surrounding his mirror were a pair of blue balloons, some confetti, and a handwritten banner on top that read “Congrats on your debut!”

Rico speaks up, “It’s your first show tonight, Dewey! If that isn’t cause for celebration I don’t know what is.” Alex nods in agreement.

“Aw, thanks guys,” Dewey smiles, clearing away some of the confetti to put down his bag.

“So how’re you feeling? Ready to show the world what you’re made of?” Alex asks.

“Yeah, I’m really excited, I’ve been dreaming about this for years,” he says, pulling out his notes to review once he finishes warming up.

He spends the next few minutes stretching, uncharacteristically quiet, before sighing and asking, “Guys, you’ve both done this for a while, so… how did you get over the nerves? It still feels insane that I’m even here, and I’m really worried that something’ll go wrong and ruin my chances of continuing here.”

Rico sighs, “I’m not gonna lie, that fear just takes time to get over. But trust me, you’re gonna do great tonight, and soon enough you won’t be so anxious anymore.”

The trio sit in silence for a moment before Alex pipes up, “Didn’t you mention that one of your brothers had a history with anxiety? Maybe he’ll have some advice for you.”

Dewey nods, then grabs his phone from his pocket, pulls up Huey’s contact, and starts a video call.

“Hey Dewey, what’s up?” Huey’s voice picks up through the phone speakers.

“Hi, Hubert. Did you guys just land or something?” Dewey asks, noticing Huey’s surroundings.

“Yeah, we just landed, oh… fifteen minutes ago? We just got to baggage claim- sorry, one sec,” he says, turning to talk to someone off-screen.

Suddenly Uncle Scrooge appears on screen. “Dewey, lad! Can- can ya see me- how does this thing- curse me kilts, what did Ah just-“ Scrooge says as he confusedly fiddles with the phone.

“Uncle Scrooge, I’ll hold the phone for you,” Huey interjects as he grabs his phone back and centers them both on screen.

“So why’d you want to talk to me, Dew?” Huey asks.

Dewey pauses for a moment to gather his thoughts before explaining. But he pauses a moment too long because more faces suddenly attempt to crowd into the view of Huey’s phone camera, all trying to greet him at once. Dewey snickers a little watching Uncle Donald, the last one to get back from claiming their baggage, trying to squeeze into view with little success.

“Hey guys,” Dewey says. “I love you all, but if I could maybe just talk to Huey for a second? I’ll see you guys tonight.”

Reluctantly the rest of the group backs out of frame, leaving once again only Huey.

Sighing amusedly, Huey asks, “Okay, so what did you want me for, Dew?”

“Okay, so, like, I was wondering, basically, like-,” Dewey pauses for a second. “How do you handle your anxiety? Cause I’m kinda freaking out a little right now.”

Huey thinks for a moment. “Well, different things work for different people, but whenever my nerves are getting to me I usually like to take some deep breaths, or you could do the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, ummm… yeah, I’d say those are my go-to's. I’d also say that drinking coffee wouldn’t help with nerves at all but I don’t think you’d listen to that one, so…”

Dewey laughs, “Thanks, Huey.”

“Of course, Dew. And also remember, we’re all gonna be there cheering for yo-,” Huey gets cut off by a nearby thud, which he turns to look at.

“Uncle Donald’s suitcase just broke,” Huey explains, walking over to help. “You’re gonna do great tonight and we can’t wait to see you after the show! Break a leg!” Huey signs off.

“Bye Huey, see you guys later,” Dewey replies, ending the call.

“Man, it’s still so weird to me that the richest duck in the world is your uncle,” Alex says.

“I don’t know if that’s more surprising or the fact that he doesn’t have a private plane to get here on,” Rico adds.

“Well, we do have a plane but the pilot can’t make it out here until next week. Aaaaand I’m realizing how much of a spoiled rich kid I sound like right now,” Dewey starts laughing again.

“Nah, if you want a really spoiled rich kid that would be more of a… what’s his name? That creep who got all his money from his grandmeemawmaw or whatever?” Alex retorts.

“Doofus Drake?” Rico supplies.

“Yes, him!”

“Oh, you guys don’t even know the half of it,” Dewey exclaims, getting back into his stretching.

——————————————————————-

Dewey opens up the stage door to exit the building. It was dark out now. He was one of the earlier cast members out of the doors, so there was a pretty good-sized crowd greeting him. As he worms his way through them, some congratulate him for making his Broadway debut, and one woman even asks for a picture, which catches him slightly off guard.

Eventually, he makes his way past the main crowd where he is finally greeted by his family, who all promptly give him a bear hug.

“Dewey!!! That was amazing!” Webby exclaims once they all pull away.

“I knew you’d do great,” Huey concurs, grinning.

“Theatre has never been my thing, so believe me when I say that that absolutely blew me away,” Louie adds.

“I’m so proud of ye, lad,” Scrooge says. “Ye’ve done well for yerself.”

Uncle Donald, at a loss for words, smiles and gives him another bear hug.

Della then pries Donald off of him to give him her own hug.

“You boys never cease to make me proud,” she says as she lets him go.

“Aw, you guys,” Dewey says, laughing a little. “You’re gonna get me emotional.”

“We’ve all been emotional since you came on stage, it’s your turn now,” Huey jokes.

Dewey laughs, “Okay, that’s fair.”

“Not to interrupt a nice family moment, but would you guys like a picture?” Rico says suddenly from behind Dewey, startling him.

“Oh my god, Rico! You can’t scare me like that!”

Dewey recollects himself and turns back to face his family.

“Guys, this is Rico, one of my castmates. Fam, Rico, Rico, fam. And yeah, I think we’d like a picture.”

An obscene amount of pictures later, everyone has their phones back with significantly less storage space than before.

“Thanks, Rico!” Dewey calls out as his castmate departs.

“See you tomorrow,” he yells back.

“Well,” Della says. “I think it’s time for some celebration! What time were those reservations for, Uncle Scrooge?”

“… In ten minutes.”

“Oh. Well, let’s get going then!” She exclaims, prompting the group to hurry off to this restaurant, dragging a confused but happy Dewey along with them.

[sitp-recs]

hi liv!! <3 recently ive been very into harry/george, i was wondering if you had any recs for that? thank you so much, i hope you have a great day xoxoxo

I got you, anon! Writcraft sold me on this ship back in 2020 and I’ve been slowly making my way through their tag since then. Such a great rare pair! Here are some recs for you, enjoy :)

Stepping Out by Alisanne (T, 900 words)

Harry is sent to talk to George.

After Hours by torino10154 (E, 1k)

Harry stayed behind with George to help tidy up the shop and, after a bottle of Wicked Witch of Western Wales Wine, well, one thing led to another.

Highland Fling by sliebman10 (E, 1.5k)

While on holiday, Harry and George decide to try on kilts. They are very taken with the different look, and one thing leads to another.

Maybe by Vorabiza (T, 5k)

George and Harry need some time alone to heal, but being alone together opens up new possibilities.

See You Next Week by TwoAces (NR, 5k)

George is struggling to cope with the death of his twin, and Harry just wants to get through to him. He doesn't realize quite how torn up he is, himself, though, and through their attempts to heal each other they discover they are very much in love.

Tell Me (We Belong Together) by Maggs0607 (M, 6k)

Harry isn't sure when or how it happened, but one day he looks around the Burrow table and realises that in the three years after War, George Weasley has become his best friend.

Just Like You by @wynnefic (E, 9k)

Of friendship, grief, and getting it on with a polyjuice version of your deceased loved ones. (Polyjuice: Fred/George and Harry/Sirius). Cw: incest

Hopelessly Devoted To You by @writcraft (E, 10k)

Harry and George watch a lot of musicals and accidentally fall in love.

Two out of Three by @wynnefic (T, 15k)

A few years after the war, Harry thinks he has the ideal life. He's working his way up to his ideal job, he's still together with his Hogwarts sweetheart, he's got a couple of great friends, and he's love potioned to the gills.

Evergreen by @thecouchsofa (T, 23k)

Harry asks George to the Yule Ball because it’ll be a laugh and he’s in dire need of one of those. If George can continue to keep his crush under wraps it should all go swimmingly.

May Contain Nuts by scoradh (E, 32k)

After Voldemort is defeated, the script for Harry's life comes to an end. Unsure of what to do with his life, he does nothing. Only one person is on hand to show Harry that a hero is not the sum of his vanquished enemies, but he's got problems of his own. Cw: major character death

Sunshine on Leith by GobletOfCider (M, 78k) - Muggle AU

After years of running from his problems, avoiding family and anything that resembles stability, George finds himself a little bit smitten with single dad, Harry. Settling down in Edinburgh was never part of the plan, but it just might be everything he didn't know he needed.

Bonus: minor Harry/George

A Season in Amber by Thevina (T, 8k) - Dron

Nowhere in Draco's job description does it state that because he's an Unspeakable, he's skilled enough to retrieve Ronald Weasley (or anyone) from beyond the Veil. But when Potter gives him no other options but to join him in this literal death-defying endeavour, Draco does exactly that. If only finding Ron had been the hardest task.

Inevitably Everything by CheekyTorah (M, 8k) - Dron

Ron didn’t need help finding a date.

Sad Girl Fall by yrfrndfrnkly (M, 20k) - Pansy/Luna

Pansy's been watching Luna follow her autumn vibes wherever they take her for six years. This year, she follows along.

[sgiandubh]

Jottings: Season 7, Episode 3. Bloody newspapers, never get anything right

You will not need any tissues for this sort of dependable wrap-up episode, that probably packs a punch with regard to the books' timeline and helps explain some obscure points to show-only people, like me. Ice-cream is still a welcome side addition (B&J's Cookie Vermont-ster, this week), though: it is, after all, a very hot, sleepless summer in Europe.

Timeline and our attention are split between 1776 at Fraser's (f)Ridge and somewhere around 1978 in Inverness. While there is drama at the Ridge (the fire at the Big House, the Bugs, the Jacobite gold), in Scotland all the emotions of homecoming are quickly turning into a muffled affair, thanks to SS's evergreen DGAF monotony.

Spoiler: Bree's line while seated with Roger on the front steps of a -now- derelict Lallybroch ("I'm really happy right here") sounds and translates exactly like the supremely anticlimactic "I'm your daughter" (The Birds and the Bees). I will never, ever, ever forgive SS for that and I can only be relieved this time it wasn't such a big deal, in the great scheme of things. Or was it?

Unpopular opinion: Claire's Ave Maria fell a bit flat in these Catholic ears. I was expecting more, given the uber-dramatic context, and found it wanting. But this fleeting disappointment was soon enough redeemed with the soulfully subtle wink to Robert Frost's Death of a Hired Man ("Yes, what else but home?/It all depends on what you mean by home. /(...) ‘Home is the place where, when you have to go there,/They have to take you in.’). Immaculately delivered by C. - the woman does understand and feel poetry, and that, my friends, is a rare gift.

John Bell will surprise you in a very, very good way. Puck grew up. I see great things.

The J&C/S&C bubble: unsinkable. Because 'a thing of beauty is a joy forever'. And, it is my absolute conviction (along with Keats', of course) "it will never pass into nothingness".

Overall, we get all the right vibes from fizzled out Season 4 and underrated Season 5 in this episode that brings the Frasers back to Bree & Roger's humble pioneer cabin, for lack of a better solution.

For obvious reasons, I cheered and booed at the 'blood of my blood` scene, featuring C's new sgian-dubh (FYI, the handle fits perfectly in her palm). I admit, I sometimes am a vainglorious cretin (wee joke, Antis), but hey: it's been a while since we haven't seen knives and blades so prominently featured in this gunpowder, treason and plot segment of the saga.

With Vandervaart still off my radar, this rushed transition left me a bit hungry for more. Ever the optimist, I can only hope next week will be bigger, brighter, better and more. And the kilt is back (what's not to like, I wonder), because tee-hee, J&C are on their way to Scotland, too.

Little do they know, however. Onwards!

[ff7-has-taken-me-over]

Can we some more of soap with a fatty please? I just need more of people thirsting over his ass

Why does my tumblr not notify me of these??? Anyway! Anything for a fellow people simping over soap and his ass lover!

Also I’ve been put onto other ships like Gaz x Soap and Price x Soap so be prepared for everyone thirsting over Soap.

Ps. I got mad side tracked with this and Soap’s ass ended being like a side feature sorry 😭

The idea I’ve got in my head is the 141 have an event to go to yeah? It’s a formal event so everyone’s dressing up nice. Everybody’s in fitted suits and looking all neat and trimmed and proper. Even Ghost has left the usual balaclava for a simple surgical mask.

But the real surprise here (more so than Price abandoning his hat for once and Ghost the mask) is that Soap’s suit is tailored to near perfection on him. Now don’t get them wrong they had all seen Soap in fitted clothes, the man seemed to own nothing besides jeans and tight shirts, but they’d never seen him in something tailored to bring out all of his assets.

It sits tight around his biceps and tapers in at the waist and the colour of the jacket brings out his eyes. But the real shock is the pants he has on. They can tell he’s not happy about them, constantly running his hands along his thighs and plucking at the tight material but that just seems to accentuate them even more.

They look painted on with the way they cling to his thighs and ass, shifting with every step he takes and threatening to rip if he moves too fast.

Soaps grumbling about them, something about how the brass wouldn’t let him walk around in his usual kilt cause it’d upset the older folk or something, ‘fucking let the old bags cark it for all I care, beats having to wear this shit’

But everyone else is silently thanking the brass for blessing their eyes with this rare sight.

Gaz looks a little pink in the face but he still approaches Soap with a smug little grin, blatantly checking his best friend out as he talks to him, “You gotta admit the pants make your ass look downright sinful McTavish.”

The Scot scoffs but nobody’s missing the flush it brings to his face, and suddenly it’s a competition to see who can make him blush more from the compliments they lay on him.

Price, in all his old man ways as the sergeants like to call it, simply comes right up next to Soap and slings an arm around his waist as they talk to a couple of soldiers from another platoon. Nothing really happens at first but then they’re shifting with the crowd and Price’s hand is slipping down and resting on the curve of his ass, fingers brushing gently and threatening to squeeze but not quite getting there.

When he leans in and speaks his voice is low, sounding like gravel and sending heat up Soap’s spine, “You look good lad.”

The words and light brushes of touch make him reden to an alarming degree if the worry in the soldier’s eyes is anything to go off of.

Ghost doesn’t really say much, he was never really a words person but also he can’t actually make his mouth move in the face of everything. So instead he just blatantly looks his sergeant over, holding eye contact when he catches Soap’s eye and relishing in the way his ears redden under his stare. And if he’s trying to hide the fact that he may or may not be drooling under the mask?? Well, he’s doing a damn fine job of it.

Alejandro is blatant about it because of course he is. He eventually manages to back Soap into a corner, leaning in close and relishing in the way the man stares back defiantly though there is a hint of a smile on his lips and the apples of his cheeks are starting to darken slightly.

“You look stunning mi amor.” It’s a blanket compliment but from the way Alejandro’s eyes dip, quick but with clear purpose, it’s easy to tell exactly what he’s talking about. Soap snorts at it but there’s no denying the way his smile turns shy and the redness in his face darkens even further.

Nobody’s entirely sure what Rudy had done. They had all watched him drag Soap out onto the dance floor, the two of them dancing with the other couples and exchanging quiet words and smiles.

After a bit Rudy had leant down, saying something or other that had the Scot tripping over his own feet, completely red in the face and trying to hide it away on the other man’s shoulder. Rudy had looked smug over it, shooting the rest of the guys a wink and little eye brow wiggle that they can’t help but find mildly adorable.

In the end it’s clear to see who won that little competition, but none of them really feel like they lost anything when they got to watch Soap blush up to his ears because of them. The tight pants and his amazing ass were a nice bonus as well.

[critical-birb]

Random things I feel people outside of Scotland should know about Scotland.

-Kilts are formalwear. You only wear that kinda thing to like - weddings and funerals and stuff usually, maybe a fancy party. You wear a sporran with a kilt, it's like a little pouch that's usually fuzzy.

-If you live in Edinburgh/Glasgow/Aberdeen you probably hate bagpipes because everywhere you go there's buskers with bagpipes. They just....appear. you'll be trying to work your 9-5 and suddenly there's a bagpiper on the corner by the office and for the next six hours you have to listen to it. There is only one song that is played on the bagpipes and it gets real repetitive real fast.

-I am ruining the joke for everyone but as an autistic person who would be super confused by this unspoken rule in another country I need to share - literally everyone in Scotland will try to convince you as a foreigner that the wild Hagis is a real animal that lives in the Highlands. Every single museum has a Haggis exhibition with like a weird taxidermy animal that's usually a mash up between like a hedgehog and a bird or something. People will, with a straight face, talk to you about how they were hunted to near extinction. Zoos and safari parks will have empty exhibits with signs saying there is wild Hagis living in there hiding. This is the most widely known Scottish joke that literally every Scottish person is in on.

-Haggis is lamb, fat and oats boiled in a sheeps stomach with a bunch of spices. It's unironically good actually if you give it a chance. It's basically fatty spiced meat.

-Other popular foods in Scotland include Cullen Skink, which is a rich cream based soup with potatoes and fish. Black pudding, a sausage made with blood - great for iron deficiency. White pudding, a sausage made from oats, grains, herbs and spices. Stovies, which is basically potatoes/onions/meat boiled together and usually eaten with bread, Neeps and tatties which is mashed potato and sweed. We are also known for deep frying anything, any corner shop chippy will deep fry a chocolate bar for you. Somehow we are obsessed with sugar and fat but at the same time we also put salt on our porridge.

-A Ceilidh is a group dance - a similar concept to square dancing if you're in the US. Except a lot more violent. Someone will usually briefly teach everyone the steps and then you are thrown into chaos and the music gets faster and faster. Someone will inevitably be thrown into you at high speeds and you will break a bone. It's extremely fun. Often done to accordion music. Lots of larger pubs do ceilidh nights you should go to one if you can, it's good if you go alone because they only work with an even number of people and 99% of the time they're begging for a single person to join to make up the numbers. You'll make a lot of drink friends and possibly get vomited on as you're thrown around at high speeds and kicked in the shins laughing like a loon.

-The more North you go the less you will understand people. I'm from Edinburgh and live near Glasgow and for the fuck of me I can't understand a word anyone says here. I went to Aberdeen once and I swear they were talking gibberish. They felt the same about me. The dialects are too strong.

-We also have a rich history of language including Gaelic and Doric and a few others. Scots is what you probably think of when you think Scottish people - it is technically its own language but is very similar to English just with lots of different terminology. Our native languages like Gaelic were outlawed by England when they colonised us and it's only in recent decades we have started to try to reclaim them.

-We dislike England. Don't ever call a Scottish person 'British' rather than Scotish, it opens up a whole can of worms I am not about to go into right now.

-Iron Bru (the bright orange soda that tastes like a candy store) is more popular than Cola here. Scotland is the only place worldwide where Coke isn't the most popular carbonated beverage. Iron Bru is the lifeblood of Scotish people and it is literally everywhere.

Anyway there's your Scotland facts of the day